Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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