you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
