Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
