I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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