There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
