So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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