I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
