it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
