i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
