Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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