man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
