Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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