someone threw a dead crab at me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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