3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
