Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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