Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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