ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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