I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
