her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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