If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They took my balls.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
