those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
