This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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