I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
