EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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