Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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