So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
