I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Found your dick twin last night
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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