Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
