i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
