Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize