i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
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The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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