dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
