so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
