Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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