Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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