I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
only if we run a train.
done.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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