Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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