break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
