Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
