if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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