her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
