Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
