Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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