time to smoke my breakfast
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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