Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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