lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
