I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize