i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
