So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my phone needs a breathalizer
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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