ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
