the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
