Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
