Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
