We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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