"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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