how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
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She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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