I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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