I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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