oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
