whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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