put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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