I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
