Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
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I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
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Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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