3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
