OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
