Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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