so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize