Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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