please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
