I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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