Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
