this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
