Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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