You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
