I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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