I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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