Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
