i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
