Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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