Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
