there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
