Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
