i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
