So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
